We sit in a circle and collectively discuss the impacts both direct and indirect of shoplifting. Youth, police, loss prevention officers, parents and community have a conversation about the event/action that has caused harm and how to repair the harm. The REStore program offers an opportunity for youth who have shoplifted to be accountable, rebuild trust and move forward.
As the program coordinator I have witnessed the power of the circle process. Utilizing circles allows every voice to be heard and opportunity to intentionally listen to each other with our ears and our hearts.
Too often in the hectic pace of our world we react to one another and fail to relate. We tell rather than show someone, we demand rather than encourage, we judge rather than try to understand. We are too busy trying to be heard, make a point, win the argument or convince others of our position. In circle every voice and perspective has value.
Teens and their parents come to understand they are not the only ones struggling. They hear other people’s stories and realize they are not alone. The anger, disappointment, embarrassment, confusion and the infinite whys they each have about the shoplifting incident are understandable. Trust has been broken. But they have the capacity to move forward.
Over 28 days youth are tasked with repairing the harm to the victim/store; to their family; to community and to themselves.
Youth have the opportunity to repair the harm to the victim/store in the way of a face-to-face apology. It is easy to say “I’m sorry”. To talk with someone you harmed about your choices and actions and take responsibility for doing harm is scary, but incredibly meaningful. Retailers are appreciative and most encourage youth to learn from the experience and be more thoughtful in their decisions.
A positive interaction whether momentary or ongoing helps strengthen a youth’s web of support. They recognize that adults want them to be successful and happy and care about their well-being.
Family service and a family letter is a channel to rebuild that relationship. It is a means to understand the interconnectedness that exists and that we all must be part of maintaining its successful operation. Cooking a meal, family game night or cleaning the basement or garage together are tangible acts of love and caring. The family letter acknowledges the harm, but more importantly expresses gratitude for the presence of loved ones in difficult times.
Community volunteerism allows youth to be engaged in helping others and developing personal skills. It is important they know they can contribute and are made to feel welcome; when they realize and have the opportunity to make a positive difference they can and will.
Personal projects are a means for a teen to pursue a goal, develop a skill or to explore an interest. This is an important part of self-forgiveness as well as understanding they are not defined by one bad choice.
Encouraging them to invest in themselves and their futures helps them see and strengthen their potential.
Twenty-eight days pass quickly. We gather again to talk about what has happened since our first circle. Some express relief; most gratitude for the experience. They cannot undo what happened, but can learn and perhaps be influencers with their peers. Supporters acknowledge their efforts and we feel privileged to walk with a youth through a difficult period and see them repair and restore relationships.